3-3-6: Media Room Revisited

This morning when I came downstairs to walk the puppy, this 3'x3' clear space gave me an unexpected bloom of happiness and contentment. :) The kind of feeling that I would like to feel with every bit of cleaning I accomplish.

The kitchen, however, still makes me feel like I'm throwing my energy down a black hole. At least I can find enough countertop to cook breakfast in this morning. I'll try to get it back under control today while accomplishing my other goals.

Today's target: keep chipping away at the laundry loads, re-clean the kitchen before I lose too much ground, and make some more progress on the Media Room.




The media room where we left off last night.

The kitchen after last night's cooking carnage.

One little corner that could use some attention.





This is the accomplishment that makes me the happiest. When I look at the pictures, it actually looks more impressive than I had thought it would. I really thought it wouldn't look much different at all. I thought I was going to say, "See the differences? Nope, didn't think so... neither do I, but I KNOW the difference!" .. you see, the primary difference is that the stacks of stray CD's have FINALLY been returned to their proper jewel cases!! It has been driving me nuts that I can't find my favorite music since we took so much of it with us on our road trip last October in October 2004.

Also, the fact that it Doesn't look completely different helps keep me from feeling overwhelmed and lost in my own surroundings.

...now why don't I feel lost in my own surroundings when I get the clutter OUT to begin with? hmmm.


The kitchen conquered. It still needs some fine detailing (like cleaning the powdered pudding dust off the range top) but I've done the dirty dishes, got most of the clean dishes put away, and set the beginning of a good habit.


The media room is making progress too. It saddens me that I need these pictures to really see just how much.

We brought Keithr home from the airport tonight. He's been away for several days, and I'd hoped that the differences would be immediately apparent to him since he hasn't been steeped in the tedious minutiae all week. I felt so sad when he walked right through the huge open space and didn't say a single word. I felt so inconsequential, so invisible, like if it wasn't complete, it wasn't good enough. ... like my expectations and judgements of my own progress were mirrored by the one I love most.

A couple of further thoughts on that predicament, because it would be very easy to be more critical of him than he deserves:
1- There was no shortage of attention on a much more important focus: Me and Bethieee and Zhenya. There was no question that he'd missed us and was happy to be home.
2- I could have helped him give me the appreciation that I needed by telling him (before we stepped in the front door) to look for something different, rather than getting upset when he hadn't noticed it by himself.
3- The fact that he didn't notice the clean spaces until they were pointed out is balanced very nicely by the fact that he has never ever complained or made me feel guilty for not getting more done. He has never made me feel guilty for making a mess of our living space with my Art and my crafts, and he has always been willing to share every single corner of the home with me, even if it means he has to pick his path very carefully around my boxes of paperwork and ballpoint pens just to find his computer desk.
Really, who could ask for a better deal?

The questions that arise are:
1- how do I get the support that I need to bolster me when my headway seems so slow, tedious, painful (my knee does not like kneeling and stairs still), and inconsequential?
2- how can I really accept, feel, and Believe fully the support when it comes?

Today's Music to Clean By: Barenaked Ladies: Stunt