Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Today: Nothing

Or at least it sure feels like nothing..
I did get two loads of laundry done. So maybe it's not really "nothing" but a tiny little "something."

What bothers me is that it's not Much. It's not a lemon meringue pie. It's not even sugar cookies. It's not the dishes that are soaking in my sink or the pile of papers on my desk. It's not spinning the rest of my RF bag fiber, and it's not even eating a balanced meal.

What did I do today? I walked the dog. Twice. (Despite the pain in my knee today.)

I answered the phone. Three or four times. Despite the pain in my knee today! Argh. At least the calls were from people I wanted to talk to.

I thought about making lemon meringue pie, sugar cookies, and a decent lunch. Instead I had a Luna bar and some chocolate.

I thought about cleaning the kitchen, making a dent in the clutter on my desk, sorting through my paperwork. Instead, I ran two loads of laundry through the wash and watched an hour or two of Tivo.

I thought about putting together an SP box, a thank-you box of stuff for my mom, a birthday gift box for my brother. Instead, I wrote two postcards and mailed off an overdue check.

I thought about knitting my Sockapaloooza project, Keithr's Pop-Up-Paws, the driving mitts, the final pair of felted mittens for Kat... Instead, I knit (for the third time) my tea cozy.

I thought about curling up and taking another nap.

How sad is that? that I didn't even have the follow-through for a nap?!

My knee hurts a Lot today. I'm taking Advil. I'm using ice packs. I'm resting my leg. And I feel like I'm "just being lazy." (haunting words from childhood.) The pain is effecting my mood. I'm feeling grumpy and fierce and unpleasant. Last night my dreams consisted primarily of trying to find a grocery store where I could get Advil and ice packs and Ace bandages and kleenex. (I also have a cold I've been fighting for two weeks.) I woke up every half hour or so, wincing and trying to find a position for my knee that was "comfortable." (there isn't one, but sometimes I found a position that was measurably less uncomfortable.) I want to cry. I want to yell at someone. I want to chew my own leg off because it might not hurt as much that way. .. .. .. I know that it must have hurt more than this right after the injury happened, but it was so far above the tolerance point that it was more like being in shock--a numbness about something that couldn't be changed anyway. .. Now it's dropped into the range where I really FEEL it, and I end up feeling like I'm "being a cry-baby". Crying over a hangnail or a paper cut. "Lazy". Allowing myself to be distracted by a physical discomfort. .. maybe even "taking the easy way out." "losing sight of the goal." "unmotivated." "slacker."

No wonder I feel like crying and yelling at someone.

At least I got two loads of laundry finished, and maybe I'm even happy with my tea cozy this time.

1 Comments:

Blogger Bethieee said...

No Yelling !!!
Not Lazy !!
Loved !

11:41 PM  

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