"Peukalo Is Thumb"

I really appreciate the connections and insights that can be made through online friendships and blogging...

This week two posts in particular resonated strongly with me, and I'm going to take a minute or two to talk about each of them (although I will probably address each one in a separate post..)

The first one I encountered while reading Yarn Harlot's blog. Many of you are probably familiar with the Harlot already, and may already be familiar with the post I refer to. On the other hand, if you haven't read it yet, I strongly encourage you to read it now!

I'll wait. It will give what I have to say a lot more meaning. Besides, it's a fabulous post! ;)

My first response was laughter. (Yarn Harlot's good at that...) When I finished laughing at the post, I chuckled at myself. I recognized my own hubris in what she described. I'm never quite content starting with something Easy. I do not work forward through new material.. I work backward. When I learn a new skill, I often start from the back of the book--with the most complicated project listed--and back up to something easier only if I find out that I really did need the baby steps first. It's a bad habit. It really is. (.. on the other hand, the one kumihumo braid that I have laying around is the first one that I tried, the most complicated in the book, and the one that I like most. (I did make several simpler ones later, but I gave them all away.) It's a habit I will not likely give up.)

For awhile, that's as good as it got: "Hey, I recognize myself in there somewhere... isn't that cute!"

But this morning that post came back to me, and I realized there was an even more profound message within.

It dawned on me today: the fact is, I don't know how to keep a clean house.

I know how to clean Things. I can clean Things really well, actually.

But today I realized that knowing how to clean a Thing is very similar to knowing that "peukalo" means "thumb." Reading the word "peukalo" gives me no context. Knowing what it means does not help me comprehend the rest of the sentence. Reading, speaking, and writing "peukalo," even pronouncing it flawlessly, does not prepare me to write a sonnet, a ballad, a haiku, or even a thank-you-note in Finnish. It doesn't matter how desperately it needs to be done, how badly I beat myself up for not doing it, or how thoroughly I want to accomplish it. I simply don't know enough to put "peukalo" into context. Just like Yarn Harlot, I simply can not read Finnish.

It occurs to me that I have been assuming that I should be able to clean the House because it's just a Really Big Thing, right?

That's like saying Finnish is just a really big collection of words. Like "peukalo."

It's the context that I am missing.. the connections. How do I keep one Thing clean while I work on the next one? How do I get a whole room full of Things clean all at the same time? How does cleaning one Thing impact all its neighbors? These are really important issues to address if I want to succeed.

I've been listening too long to the ghostly little voice from the past that says I must be "lazy," "unmotivated," or "incompetent" when in all probable likelihood I simply have not learned all the tools I need to get the job done.

This is a realization that buoys me, and I am going to try to recite it every time that ghostly little voice tries to tell me something different. I've been expecting, based on the awareness that I can clean Things, that I'm fully qualified not only to get the house clean, but to Run a clean house, and I've been allowing a lot of (self-)criticism to pile up when I fail to meet that goal.

Which is like beating myself up for not being able to read a book in Finnish just because it needs to be done.

Today I state publicly that I think I do not know how to clean house. I also believe that it is a skill that I am cabable and motivated to learn.

Learning is something I'm good at.

Learning to write a thank-you-note in Finnish would take awhile. I'd need to learn the vocabulary, the grammar, and the social context. I might be able to write one thank-you-note by the end of the week if I have a good tutor, but I wouldn't likely be able to write a second one without more help and study.

Likewise the housework. I'll start with what I know I'm good at, and that's that. When I find myself stumped, I'll look for a new way out. A new skill, a new piece of information, a new support structure.

And to anyone who thinks that cleaning house comes naturally and that I'm wasting my time... you can go learn Finnish, and at the end of the year we can compare skill sets. ;)

Hugs!!